


overload

by totallynotsane



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Autistic Character, Gen, Meltdown, Self Harm, Sensory Overload, agressive response to being overwelmed, autistic delirious is talked about, autistic ohmwrecker, ish i mean he like. bite himself and hits himself for a paragraph so., lapslock, once again. not on purpose i just dont like capitial leters fight me.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 15:10:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13390470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallynotsane/pseuds/totallynotsane
Summary: he’s gotten this bad before.but that last time he was this bad was so long ago, hes forgotten how to cope with it.





	overload

ryan feels it trying to claw out from his chest. he needs to scream but no sounds comes forth. he opens his mouth, but all that is let out is a heavy inhale as he begins to hyperventilate. 

why did he bother working himself so hard if he knows he’ll always end up like this in the end. a sobbing mess on his bed as he stared at the discord call he had muted. whimpering as he heard his phone vibrated from under him, he ignored it as it became all to much for him. the lights to bright, his computer too loud, his deodorant too potent. it all just become to much for him. 

he lets out a loud sob as his phone vibrates again, starring at the pillow it was hidden under in agony as it vibrated for the final time before he throws it against the wall. 

it wont break. 

he knows this. 

he’s gotten this bad before. 

but that last time he was this bad was so long ago, hes forgotten how to cope with it. 

what does he do what does he do whatdoes he do whatdoeshe do whatdoeshedo 

 

WHAT DOES HE NEED TO DO TO FEEL OKAY AGAIN

his brains to loud and before he can process it he’s screaming out loud himself. trying to be louder than his thought, more aggressive than they could ever be. he pulls his hair, bites his hands, hits his face and screams with all his might. 

then all is calm. 

he is worn out. 

his thoughts are simple mumbles. all to quiet to hear, but the whispering is known. 

he knows he should tell jonathan what happened, or hell even luke. 

jonathans experienced this to often and luke has helped his honorary little brother through hell and back. 

ryan knows he shouldn’t complain, jonathan had it much worse than him. but he hears luke in the back of his head saying to him, “just because someone else suffers doesn’t mean you can’t hurt as well” and he gets the courage to go get his phone from the place on the floor where it lay. 

“hey i think i had a meltdown. sorry that i gotta leave the recording. sorry again” ryan sends the statment over private message on discord to jonathan, watching as he saw the “read” icon pop up. 

“yea dont worry about it man, feel better soon. if u need to talk about it later im here but u probably wanna nap. night ryan” jonathan texted back as soon as he could. 

jonathan was right, ryan was worn out. “yea good night jonathan” ryan sent as he fell into an uneasy sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> why everyone schleep after my fics fjdndjdb


End file.
